Vehicle Blues

As some of you here in Lone Oak may already know I am in need of a new, uh, excuse me, better than the one I have now, vehicle. This has resulted in a lot of sighing as I pass truck dealerships and soulful searches of used car ads.

Unfortunately, I know what I really want, and I doubt they will ever make what I really want. What I want is an all electric pick-up truck with at least a 50 mile radius (that’s how far it can go on a full charge). One that can go up to eighty MPH (so I don't get rammed in the rear on the highway) and still go that distance. I don't need a satellite radio or one of those with fancy speakers. AM and FM radio is all I need. I'll add a CB if I decide I need one.

I certainly don't need an "entertainment package" either. What? I’m gonna watch Oprah on my way to the feed store?! A heater for winter and an AC for summer is all I'd really need other than the battery, tires, electric motor and those other bare essential.

Oh, yeah, one last absolute requirement. The sucker has to be priced so that I can afford to pay for it out of my Roth IRA without cleaning it out!

I was looking at some of the current electric cars on the market and salivating, wishing they were trucks. I even started considering demoting my old pick-up to "farm truck" status and getting one of those Chevy Volts, or, I think it‘s from Nissan, the one called the Leaf to run around in.

Don’t you just love the way the motor companies play to what they think we want to be with the names they come up with for these cars. Anyway, as I was looking at the stats I was getting excited. Yeah boy! This is what I want alright! Long range per charge; and with the Volt at least, an on board gas powered generator that can charge the lithium ion battery in the thing while it's running in case you have to go further than a single charge will take you. With the amount of driving I do I could go months without having to buy gas! Okay. My electric bill might go up some, but the charger thingy it comes with is supposed to be programmable so that it only charges the Volt during the off peak hours of the electric use day.

Then I got a little further into the stats. Sigh. The charge rate, that's how fast it recharges, depends on the temperature where this charging takes place. So does the rate at which the battery in the thing discharges. That last sentence makes sense as, if you are using that battery to either heat or cool the inside of the car, it will naturally leave less oomph to turn the wheels. Okay. That was a downer. The temperature impacting the charge rate also means that if I did get one of these neat cars I'd have to spring for the price of an enclosed garage that I could at least heat in the winter.

As I went further down the stats I started fuming at the stuff that was loaded on that I could easily live without, and would not want. But that's how the thing comes from the factory. It's standard equipment. I mean who needs some of that stuff. Oh, I’m sure it’s nice to have, but it also costs. A lot. A lot of money I really don't have.

When I reached the end of that list I was shaking my head, but I still whistled at the final cost: Forty, yes "4", "0" PLUS, THOUSAND dollars!! My first, blasphemous reaction to that amount was, "Hell, I could buy half of Lone Oak for that!"

So, you aren't going to see me cruising around town in a Volt, a Leaf, or any thing with a fancy name, or price. However, there are those places I’ve found online that retro-fit regular gas guzzler's like mine into all electric.

And for a lot less than fourty thou.